Most people have difficulty loving themselves. Many of my clients have difficulty just saying the phrase “I love myself”. It is very rarely that someone can say this and feel completely comfortable with it. When I shift the vibration of the phrase down to “I like myself”, more of them can say it with authenticity, but some still can’t. If that is the case, during a session we will work our way down the vibrational scale to “I’m ok with myself” and I find a lot of more people are comfortable there. However, there are still those who can’t sit with being ok, and we go right down to “I am myself”. But even when saying “I am myself”, these client’s of mine feel better, because they have met themselves at a place where they can start to accept where they are in an authentic way.
In 2011, I wrote New Year’s Resolutions? No thanks! In this post I suggested New Year’s Resolutions are aspects of ourselves that we consciously choose to change because it feels like the right thing to do. However, we may not be subconsciously ready to change. This causes resistance within us, making keeping those resolutions an internal battle which is very difficult to win. When we lose such a battle, it affects our self-esteem, in other words, it has the potential to shift us down a notch on the vibrational scale from “I love myself”, to “I am myself”, and possibly right down to “I don’t like myself”.
A research report I found says that only 8% of the people that set New Year’s Resolutions are successful in keeping them. This report also says that the less happy you are, the more likely you are to set resolutions, usually around self-improvement, relationships, money or weight related issues.So the less happy you are, the lower on the vibrational scale you are and you are also more likely to make New Year’s Resolutions. Then when you break them, because statistically speaking you will break them, you shift lower on the self-esteem scale than you were before you started.
Therefore, I’m still holding to my belief that New Year’s Resolutions are bad ideas.
The aspects of us that we want to change through New Year’s Resolutions are parts that we feel we should change, possibly because we don’t like them, or because everyone else is doing it. I believe however, that if we’re experiencing parts of ourselves that we don’t like, such as addictive parts, it may be a symptom of something else, and not something that we can simply change because we want to.
I recently had a client who came for help with emotional eating. She was focussing on the food that she ate, how much/often she ate it and how bad it was for her. She was berating herself for eating the food, and going around in a cycle where she’d relax, then eat, then be angry at herself, then relax, then eat again…. And so forth, ultimately slipping down the self-esteem vibrational scale to “I don’t like myself”. The interesting thing was, when we started talking together she admitted that she never focussed on how she was feeling at the times that she reached for the food, nor never asked herself what was really going on.
If someone like my client was to make a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, that soul part that needs attention, the part that needs to be recognised, heard and seen, would be pushed deeper into the subconscious, and further away from being recognised, heard and seen. The amount of energy required to stick to a diet of any kind in this situation would become momentous. And, on top of this, the repressed soul part would still need attention, and could shift away from food into more dangerous things such as alcoholism, anger issues, or even clinical depression.
I repeat from the research above – “the less happy you are, the more likely you are to set New Year’s Resolutions”. In “Happiness is Within” I say happiness is not a thing, and it does not necessarily come to us when we have what we think we need. We can’t buy it, we can’t feed it and we can’t truly feel it if we are hiding parts of ourselves from ourselves.
I say here and now that happiness is a form of self-acceptance. Happiness happens when we can meet all of those parts of us, face to face, here and now, and listen to them, accept them, warts and all. We are not perfect, we all have had experiences, some of us are wounded, some more than others. It’s all ok. To be able to meet yourself – ALL the parts of yourself – the good stuff, and the bad stuff, without judgement, starts you climbing up to higher vibrations on the self-esteem scale. By being seen and heard, those parts of us that we hide from can breathe again, can be seen, be validated, feel eased and less urgent. They are less reactive, less likely to disturb us or cause us pain by acting out.
The 2012 shift is all about raising our vibration. 2013 is about keeping it high, and raising it even further. To do this we need to shift out of “I don’t like myself” and into “I love myself”.
So I ask of you – for 2013, no New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I suggest that you take some time out and create a safe space where you can meet all those aspects of you that you’ve been hiding from. I ask you to make the time to sit with all of those parts of you that need healing – the upset child, the angry teenager, the lost 20 year old. It’s all you, and once that emotional part of you is seen and heard, the need to reach for the chocolate cake is lessened, as you fill yourself with love instead.