It was the Dalai Lama’s birthday this week. He made a video to thank everyone who said happy birthday to him on Social Media. I watched it twice. He gave a few messages in it – The one that most resonated with me at this time was this:

“At age 16 I lost my freedom. At age 24 I lost my own country…. During this period, my best and most reliable friend was my own intelligence. It brought me inner strength and inner peace.” Dalai Lama

Knowing your inner values and being at peace with yourself is so important if something goes wrong. By being friends with your ego, it is more likely that you won’t sabotage yourself and make things worse. Here’s a link to a blog post where I write about why we should make friends with the ego. And here’s the link to the video that the Dalai Lama created, so you can watch it for yourself.

This week, my mothers best friend and husband of 20 years died. He was in his 90’s, it was his time and a blessed release. He was a lovely person and is a beautiful soul. The last 5 years have been difficult ones as his physical body was ill, and my mother was practically a full time nurse. You can imagine you’re prepared for death, but you never truly are.

At this time, I’m celebrating the life of a man of great intelligence, of compassion and patience. Like the Dalai Lama said, knowing your inner values and being at peace brings a good strong foundation for life’s ups and downs. I’m clear in my inner world about my values on death and dying, and I am able to be strong in the presence of my mother who feels right now that her life is falling apart. Being able to say the words so many people feel they cannot say at times of death actually alleviates tension, and allows space for love to come in. My mother will be fine, because the soul doesn’t die, just the body, and in her own time, she will be able to separate herself from him and find a new way in life, with our love and support.

I was able to tell my children their Saba had died without them being devastated (and at age 5, 7, 11 and 14 there were many questions to be had), we had great discussions around death in preparation for this event. My little one even said “Saba will be my Angel and teach me how to read!” I have already felt messages from Mort for my children, and in time, my mother will be able to feel him too.

I ask people to be authentic, I say it many times in my book, to my clients in session and to people on Social Media. So I’m being authentic here with you all. Please don’t write me back and say how sorry you are for my loss, because I don’t feel I lost anything, I feel the joyous rapture of the spirit being released from the body and free of pain. Yes my mother is in pain, but that’s what being human is about. The transformation of that pain is the journey that we are all on, together.

I’m not going to ask you to take this week to look at your inner thoughts and how you view life, death, and all the big questions, because that’s too big, and it’s really not my place to do so (but if you want to go ahead!). I’m telling you that by being clear, I’m able to see the joy in Mort’s passing, be a support to my mother and able to hold space for my children to work it all out for themselves.

And hopefully, by telling all of this to you, some of you will take some time and peel away another layer between your own inner peace, and you.


Image by Wendy Francisco

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