Whats it going to take to allow myself to be who I am?
This came up in a client session last week and I thought I would share with you, as I have a simple answer to this question – it’s this: accepting yourself totally for who you are.
What does that mean exactly? And why, if it was that simple, are we not doing it already?
Well, I think you know why. Trust. We seem to trust other people more than we trust ourselves, and the transfer of the trust from them to ourselves is a process that can take years.
Here’s an example – the archetype of the care-giver. (An archetype is an energy pattern, and we all have 12 in-built energy patterns that we are shaped from, where care-giver is just 1 of the 12.) If you’re on my email list, you’ve most probably got the care-giver as one of your energetic patterns, where you give care to other people and put yourself down last on your own list of priorities. Other people are more important than you, you judge a good day based on how many people you helped to feel better. You’re reading this because you know this isn’t the right way to be organised, to be treating yourself. You know deep down that you are just as important and valid as anyone else in the world, and that you deserve joy and happiness too, but you just cannot shift your focus to put the work into yourself. It took me many years to sort this pattern out in myself and come into balance with it, and I still have my off days from time to time. It takes other people with this archetype years also. We are all works in progress. The longer I do the work that I do, I can see that as more and more people that break through this pattern, the easier it will be for the others who follow.
So, apply this to yourself. How can you be exactly who you are? What do you need to do, to allow yourself to be exactly who you are? (Do you know exactly who you are? – don’t worry, most of us are still learning about this, but it is something that we need to actively put time and energy into.)
Back to the care-giver example: If you know that you will be there for others but you cannot trust yourself to look after you, that’s a great place to start your work. Because you know this, and awareness of what you want to change is key to the process of growth. So start to feel like you will be able to invest more time, more care and possibly more money into yourself. Which may mean pulling away a little bit from all the other people who ‘need’ you. But do they really need you or do you just want to think that they need you?
Ask yourself: “What is it going to take for me to allow myself be who I am?” Try this one one for size “I need to trust that I can look after me, then I know that I will always be looked after.”
I’m not saying that nobody else is supposed to look after you, nor am I saying you have to go through life alone. I am saying that from time to time you do need to ask for help, absolutely yes you do, but for the most part, you need to trust that you will be there for you. That you are supporting yourself in how you feel about yourself. Being nice to yourself, approving of yourself more and more, even on a daily basis. Because when you feel that trust, you start to feel safe, you relax. You open. Like the flower in the sun. And when you open, you can see how beautiful you are, and then, in your knowing of your own beauty, you do not need other people to tell you how beautiful you are. You really don’t. If they don’t get it, that’s okay. Because you get it. And you trust that. And that, my wonderful friends, is how you allow yourself to be totally who you are.