This morning I woke up with an urge to go to the sea
I didn’t know what it was about but there was an urgency inside me, a need, a pushing
and as I moved around on my bed the pushing got louder inside of me until I had to get up.
I went to the bathroom and came back to bed hoping the urgency would leave me
but as I looked out the window and I could see the hint of the sea outside the urgency grew only stronger.
So I gave into it. I gave into it.
I got dressed I gathered my things I said goodbye and I left the house
I walked the walk on the way to the sea and walking there I realised I needed to be moving and the urgency inside me became more at ease with every step I took.
Closer and closer to the beckoning waves moving down I reached the cliff face and I saw the sea
there in all of her majesty, all of her beauty, her wildness and her power
and yet today she seemed quite soft, quite calm and always, always so beautiful.
I looked for a safe way to attempt the climb down from the cliffs to the rocks by the water’s edge
not quite sure of my footing looking down all the time I was hesitant
the path is quite precarious
then I spied a butterfly, a beautiful little thing
in times of spiritual need they always show up for me and there she was
this little pretty butterfly alighting herself on the rocks and stones on the path that I was to take
I give thanks to Spirit for always protecting me
the intimacy of our relationship, the beauty and the expanse
and the impersonality of the sea and yet the intimacy of her voice calling me down here…..
Stepping carefully over rock stone and grass stopping only to catch my breath
I reached a point in the path where solid rock takes hold
and becoming more confident in my step I searched for the closest way to the edge of the water and felt a whisper – “no, not that way, not that way”
not that my heart fell knowing it was the more difficult path I needed to take, no…. because when you feel the pressing on you, the urgency of Spirit
you go the way you need to go
not the way you want to go
and the joy that follows is immense, is indescribable
so it was the long way that I took, moving down the face of slippery rock
stopping only to admire where the powerful waves cut holes in its face.
The strength of this rock, the power that must have been when it was a living, moving thing
and then I’m realising its still living and just because it’s not moving now does not mean it’s not moving
I just can’t see it with my human eye
I cannot see this rock breathes with the sea….
I’m giving my greeting to the waves and admiring the view of the sunrise
the rock pools that remind me that we are always in flow and in flux
and even though it might feel we are not getting anywhere the water is always new.
I sit here on this rock surrounded by this water and these waves
I sit here and and I breathe
I breathe with the water and I breathe with the rock
Every breath in and out I feel I’ve reached the place where I can let go of my fear and know that Spirit’s here to hold me wherever I go, whatever this journey is
just as I didn’t know when I left the house where I was coming and the butterfly showed me the path, my life has been like this.
I only know where I am now, it is like travelling in a dense thick fog I can only see a few feet ahead of me and yet I know that if I was to get lost again
another sign would come
a sign such as the butterfly, so beautiful and yet so subtle
so if I’m not paying attention
if my eyes are not open I would miss it
I would miss that butterfly if I did not know to be at stillness and peace with myself
I would miss that butterfly if I did not trust that Spirit is here
So now I breathe with this rock, in and out with the waves
and I can hear the mermaids call my name
“Ahh” you say, “mermaids don’t exist”
but just as I cannot see this rock in motion with my human eyes
cannot feel the whole thing of this rock’s desire with my human frame
I can only perceive the mermaids with the senses we are not most commonly used to using
Shh be still for a moment and stop that brain of yours
that brain that likes to drive us everywhere that brain that’s in the driver seat
stop that brain of yours and listen
they’re here, the mermaids, they’re laughing,
It fills my heart with joy see them frolicking and the mermen too
now they don’t always comb each other’s hair
they are the guardians of the waters and they travel through space and time to wherever you are
even if you’re not beside the sea the mermaids come
because they know what its like to be deep in despair, to go to the depths the soul
and here they are laughing with me at the surface of the water
delightful and delighted, the beauty and the peace.
And the only thing that’s in the way of me receiving such beauty and peace is an inability to open and rest, to relax and trust
so I hand this all to Spirit
I am here
I know who I am now
I am more than this physical body
I know what I am I am now
I am part of this beautiful landscape
only there’s more to it than that.
I ask Spirit to ask for me the parts of me that get in the way of my connection
the truth of who and what I really am
and I see myself arms folded holding on with for dear life to the only thing that I used to know
and the mermaids say “Come child, come, it’s okay, you’re safe. You have done this before, you can do it again. Come child, come to the edge of the waters and play with us, let your Spirit transcend your body and run along the beach and fly and dive into the waters with us”
And I see myself opening my arms and I see the heavy burden I carry lifting out of me and I feel it in my body too
in my physical body, releasing from my stomach, my lower back but most of all, most of all releasing from my chest
I close my eyes and feel the sun hot on my face, hot on my shoulders
I imagine, I imagine, I allow my Spirit, my Soul to transcend my body and stand up on these beautiful rocks and the first thing she wants to do is kiss the rocks
and welcome the rocks to her bosom and say “It’s been so long, so long since I greeted you like this and I cherish you and I love you”
and I feel the rocks reach over to me whispering “thank you, thank you for seeing me” and these things we feel don’t have living breath
are so alive when we look without our human eyes.
And lightly then, my Spirit steps across the rocks and over to the sea
steps into the sea and flies above for a while, just hovering there admiring the ripples of the sea, the different colours of the ocean
looking down at the fish
and my heart lights up, and the light from my heart goes into the ocean and purifies and cleanses the waters
the mermaids clap their hands with glee “Come come we have something to show you come with us”
and remembering my physical form I hold my breath as I go down under the waves then
I realise no, I don’t need to do this here
for I am in Spirit I have no form I am in my truth as this being of light
and as my physical body and my ego and personality wait for me on the rock
my Spirit flies through the waters holding the hands of the most beautiful mermaids guided by shoals of fish going down
I see down in the depth of the waters we are in a glowing soft light of a kingdom
Again tangible joy fills right through me my whole being joyful joy filled
in approaching the mermaid kingdom, I realise that I am a mermaid now too
images of Disney, Ariel and Flounder fill my head but I let go and just flow with it all of it it shifts and becomes different
I’m greeted at the doorway of the castle and I enter
it’s almost as if I have legs again, we are in a courtyard somewhere where the walls are made of Crystal
the floors are glassy and as I invest more and more of my Spirit into this image I realise that even though my physical body can hear the sea, in my minds eye, in this beautiful image in my journey I can hear a fountain, a water feature in a garden, quite unlike anything else that is around me.
And then there is laughter and welcomes and all of the finery we are the Queens and Kings of the ocean, we are the light beings, the Masters, we have come to hold hands and support humanity through these hours of transformation
we the blessed ones, the gifted ones, we are here, we are here to hold you, we are here to show you that you are magical beings, that life is not mundane and drab
I look into a mirror and I see myself I am the crone, the sorceress, the princess, the fairy, the angel, images shifting in and out of each other
“you are all of the things” they say “you all these things, what do you wish to be today?” “I can choose?”
“yes of course you choose – what you wish to be today? the truth of who you are, the truth of who you are is that you can choose.
we are here to be with you as you choose, but perhaps there is not as much joy in making choices closer to darkness”
The intensity of the moment brings me straight back to the rocks and to my physical aspect
my awareness for a moment jumps out of the castle right back in the uncomfortable rock that I am sitting on,
I am feeling I need to shift my body but I know there’s a part of me that not here
part of me somehow is still back there – is she still down there?
How do I get back there?
I breathe with the rock and then I see the butterfly again
“Come child, come” and now I remember
and this time I dive straight down into the water
and I find myself so quickly back in the castle only now, I’m meeting the King and the Queen
“We have seen you” they say, “we see you and we wanted to tell you that you are doing a wonderful job, that yes it feels like a struggle, and perhaps we’ve never been in a physical body like you have. Perhaps we’ve never been there, so we can’t exactly relate to what it is you’re going through, but we honour you, child of Spirit we honour you.”
“So come and dance with us, enjoy the feast we have laid out for you and know that you can come and see us any time or visit our friends the Angels, or travel on the backs of Unicorns and fly with Dragons….
“We are here for you, to remind you of the truth of who you are, the purity, the joy, the light that you’re made of, if only you let us into your heart more often”
“Oh but I will!” I say, like a child in a book that I read to my children “I promise”
sounding in awe of these beautiful things and knowing that yes if I saw a kitten with sparkles in its fur that turned into a lion I would believe it now, I believe
“Time to go, but before you go we gift you with this” and upon my head they place a beautiful comb of shell,
and it dissolves into my energy, becomes a part of who I am
“We have initiated you into the sea, you are one of us, always come to us” they say
“We are your family now too. We have always been here, the only thing in the way has been you. And we see from your journey and your travels that your letting us more into your heart and for that we rejoice.”
“Go now child of Spirit, go now and take all of this, take all of the pieces of your Soul with you, all of the particles of your essence”
and the castle dissolves away, feeling the density of the sea lighten around me as I move up and up and up and I break the surface of the sea
and part of me gasps for air, even though I don’t need it there
How ingrained are our physical aspects, habits, requirements, necessities that I cannot even go and visit Mermaid kingdoms without feeling like I need to breathe somehow
And I gulp the air down, and see myself on the rock and come over to her joyful
I see myself and everything I’ve done on my path to get this far
and I say to her well done
well done well done
Please note: this is fact and fiction, spiritual teachings mixed with shamanic journey.