When we heal, we grow. When we grow, our energy field expands. This means that we take up more space in the world. It’s an upgrade – think of Alice in Wonderland when she’s in the house, eats the mushroom and grows so big she can’t fit in the house anymore. It would be very uncomfortable to stay there like that, especially for a long period of time. So as part of the healing work I do, I always make sure that people know when they have an energy upgrade, and know how to upgrade their daily self- care AND their energetic environment.

Part of your energetic environment is your family system. Whether you love your family or not, family members connect to each other and create a group energy environment. Within a family are individual people who are all moving and growing at their own rate. Family roles, family expectations and your belief of what these roles and expectations are, are the things that create the energetic environment that impacts you.

These roles and expectations contain you in an energetic space, and if you’re an empath/caregiver (which you probably are if you’re reading this)  then you have probably felt constrained by family roles and expectations from time to time in your life. Most likely these times have been when you have expanded and grown out of the space that your family (or that you believed your family) had set for you.

We can be our own worst enemy of course. We can believe that our family wants us to do or be something that we don’t want to do, or be. And when we bite the bullet and confront them, we discover that we created that belief because we thought it was the truth, but it actually wasn’t. For example, a client of mine didn’t tell his family he was gay for years because he felt they wouldn’t approve. He finally told them when he was in his late 20’s because it was eating him up. In actuality, they had already figured it out and they were relieved that he told them as they felt they couldn’t bring it up with him, and they loved him anyway.

However, there are times where indeed the family isn’t happy with our progress or development. This usually happens because they don’t understand it and they feel they are loosing us to some great unknown scary thing. Or, they’re so deeply ingrained in fear, that any change is terrifying. Or worse, it suits the family members to have us play it small, because they want to be in control, and the idea that they don’t control us is terrifying to them. And in these circumstances you have to decide if you’re going to hold back your own growth and development “for the sake of the family” because they don’t want the system to change. I’ve seen clients stop therapy because of this. So you can’t assume that everyone will be happy with your growth as you grow and expand. But you can’t assume that they will resent you for it either.

Everyone’s higher self wants growth and expansion, for everyone. It’s the personality that clings to the old fear-filled ways. It’s time to let the love in. And this is your life.

I believe that life is about growing and expanding. And perhaps, just by your growing and expanding, you may be forcing your family to grow and expand a little bit too. And really, even though they may not be happy with that, as long as you’re not trying to fix or change individuals directly, or force individuals to do something that they don’t want to do, growth and change is not necessarily a bad thing. This works both ways –  remember – if you want to be accepted as you are, you need to accept them as they are.


Come join me for my online group healing sessions where I have different topics each week, it’s only €10 and there will be a recording with all the healing in it if you can’t make the live session. And people have told me it’s even more powerful the second and third time they listen! Click here to sign up.