The day that I stopped fighting with myself was the first day that I found peace. The day that I knew I would always be nice to myself was the day that my heart truly opened. The day that I asked myself what was wrong, and sat down with myself to support myself instead of pushing myself further into the fire, was the day that I realised I could do this thing called life, whatever may come my way.
Once I discovered that I would always be there for me, my abandonment issues dissolved away. I found that I could get through setbacks easier, because I didn’t call myself a failure. I learned instead how to take space to breathe and be with my disappointment as I didn’t take it personally, and instead of being angry because I wasn’t good enough, I reassured myself that there was a reason why I didn’t get what I wanted at that time.
Everybody experiences failures, but it does not mean that they have failed. I had a client once who told me she wasn’t allowed to make mistakes, so I asked her if she was allowed to learn, and she said “I don’t understand what you mean”. Mistakes are inevitable if you want to grow. But if you keep reminding yourself of your failures over and over again, ultimately you’re failing yourself, because that type of hurt can be relentless.
Know that your internal self-talk can lift you up or tear you apart, depending on what you choose to say to yourself. We all say things to ourselves, and none of us are crazy for working things through in our minds, but we are crazy if we hurt ourselves deliberately because we are angry at ourselves over a string of things we did or did not do. Life hurts enough without us hurting ourselves too.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, the man that created Mindfulness said, “Wherever you go, there you are”. Self-acceptance allows you to be with yourself in your wholeness, wherever you go, and only within can you find the peace and connection that you’re longing for. Your relationship with yourself sets yourself up for all of your other relationships too. When you can give yourself what you need, and never abandon yourself, you free everyone else up and that makes space for more love to come in.